Weird Moods

Everyone has them. I’m not talking about the kind that makes you feel like you are in a funk or just feeling meh/blah/ugh. I mean the ones that happen after thinking too much like after “studying” for an exam and your brain will explode, or after literally doing NOTHING i.e. driving 14hrs in one day. Let’s face it world, these are the best things ever!

These moods are like a freaking drug, either you have it and everyone is laughing because you are acting like a complete idiot and don’t care or they get it too looking bat shit crazy and not knowing what the hell is going on other than it’s amazing.  Warning following may happen to you: 1) hooting at owls in a park at 11pm 2) you carry on mixed conversations about peeing and how people who run in sweatshirts in 100 degree weather are idiots (which they are) or 3) laugh till you think you may pass out about something as retarded as your roommate looking like a crazy ass black swan when they take off their makeup (that’s for you Leighton).

When you are done it’s like you went out and did 50 ab work outs from pinterest and you don’t even know what just happened. Nope these cannot be planned they happen at random, and usually at the worst times, you know during a test, at church or during a lecture. And of course that just makes everything else funnier and then you look like the cray-cray nut job you secretly are.

Feeding Ducks

Doesn't sound like a dangerous experience. Unless geese are involved. Geese are assholes. I knew this already, but apparently the life lessons taught me in Gilmore Girls didn't stick.

Baby Sage has been obsessed with books this week and one of her favs is about baby animals, so I decided we'd go to the park and feed the ducks. I'm always looking for something to get us out of the house and this sounded perfect. After her morning nap we headed to the park, the first little pond had a few ducks in it (clearly the outcasts) so we threw some bread to them and eased her into the whole "look it's a real life duck, don't freak out" thing.

It was a tad boring so we headed over to the big pond. Immediately I notice some of these things are not like the rest. There are two evil, conniving, giant geese along with some not so passive, aggressive ducks. They were just chillin' in the pond so I tossed them some bread.

And then it began. One of the geese heads our way and it's gang of ducks and the other goose followed suit. I'm getting antsy but mentally telling myself not to freak, if I do then Sage will too and I don't want to scar her for life.

The first goose comes toward me but stays outside by bubble and just stands beside me, nbd. The ducks are a little cray cray and clearly none of these birds have any fear of people. I calmly continue to toss them bread while remaining on high alert. I mean these is no level orange, it's level red people. No joke.

When I least expect it goose number two goes for my toes. At first I'm just like "oh crap, back off", but it keeps at it. I'm standing there holding a nearly one year old, surrounded by ducks and this goose is comin' at me and so of course my flight or fight kicks in. Fight or Flight? Fight or Flight? Fight. I swing the bag of bread and give the goose a warning tap. Clearly that didn't do the trick so I wind up and give it a good whack in the neck which immediately gets a reaction out of it.

I jump back, it jumps back. Then it starts stretching it's neck out and flapping it's wings with this incredulous look on it's face.

Flight, flight!! I tossed the rest of the bread and said, "time to bounce Babe Sage" and we high tailed it out of there and hung out with the ugly duckling for the rest of our water fowl adventure.

Moral of the story, geese are assholes. Never trust them.

Getting Sick

Curse myself.

Let's flash back to the first week of July. The little one I babysit had a nasty cough/some sort of upper respiratory junk goin' on, considering myself immune I continue to love on Baby Sage like it ain't no thang. Go home, my dad also has some nastiness and genius me drinks after him (I NEVER drink after people btw).

Flash forward five weeks. First two weeks I had a what was diagnosed as an upper respiratory infection (Dr. Liar: "It'll be all good in another week TOPS"). I go to the lake and feel amazing, "yes I'm finally over it!". Come home and feel like total crap for the next three weeks and counting. I'm probably dying, no biggie.

I would just like to make a public announcement to my body: I hate you a lot, I'm over this whole sickness stint and if you don't get your butt well soon I'm going to have to disown you. Especially since you're discouraging me from working out and my butt is showing the effects.

On that subject, dear face, I'd appreciate you stopping this breakout nonsense. It's dampening my spirits and pissing me off. K, thanks. And hair....you do the same part everyday, how could it be so difficult? You don't have to act so confused every time I get out of the shower. You're a hot mess, get your shit together.

Rant over. Don't worry, my self esteem's just fine, guuurl. Promise.

-Leighton

Why are you talking again?

Like so many of you this summer I was so excited to watch the nerve wrecking and gut wrenching 2012 Olympics in London. I couldn’t wait to cheer on the USA and watch them through their trials and tribulations, and of course Ryan Lochte’s abs didn’t hurt either. But then while watching I noticed something..well unpleasant..the commentators.

I’ve decided that you really do not have to prepare much or even think much while commenting on the athletes during the most stressful and exhilarating times of their lives. You can do the following: be sarcastic, well we are back, well that’s obvious isn’t it. You can be blunt and even rude while these athletes literally work their butts off, saying this like that was good…for her or that was pretty horrific wasn’t it. Unless you go down there and run with the fastest man on earth or do countless backhand springs and layouts, I’m sorry you have no right. And yes some of you have competed in the Olympics before (it’s pretty obvious when you talk about it all the time while commenting). I do not care; these people are getting their chance, so say something positive for once, before someone slaps you.

And finally, be nice to each other. Holy crap people, yeah you can disagree with each other but have some kindness in it. When one guy says his opinion don’t just end the conversation with a blunt No. Really? These people know just as much about what’s going on as you (and the rest of the world apparently). And yes some of them do know what they are talking about, but why are the other ones talking? Most of us would rather you just kept your opinions to yourself actually. If only you could mute the comments and keep the other background noise, oh well maybe one day we can.

Making New Friends Before A Test

Seriously, people. We've been in the same class for months now and you decide this is the perfect time to befriend me? No. There's a reason we aren't friends, and you're it. Five minutes before the final is not the time to chit-chat it up, because I am currently reciting crucial information inside my head and as soon as you open your stupid mouth, POOF, it's gone. All for what? So you aren't bored for a couple of minutes. Guess what, you're in college and if you can't keep yourself entertained that long you are absolutely hopeless.

I know some people like to talk when they're nervous or anxious, I get it, but if you cause me to forget what is sure to be worth 50% of this test I will punch you in the face.

Case and Point: every organic chemistry test I've ever taken.  In all fairness, I probably would have forgotten it all anyway because that crap is hard. When am I ever going to need to know how to draw a toluene molecule or how it reacts with an alkyne?! That's why you change majors, duhhh.

But, I digress. The point is, if you see me in class and I'm nervously chewing on my pen and mumbling under my breathe before a test DO NOT chat me up. You have no idea what I look like? Save yourself a possible punch in the face and just don't talk to anyone in those 10 minutes, you can do it I promise.

*Disclaimer: I've yet to punch anyone in the face but how much longer could I possible keep my stats at zero? Consider yourself warned.